Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Amazing myself

So, on my scale at home I lost 6 pounds my first week of my new program. Officially though I only lost 5 because I weighed myself at home on Monday (7 days after starting) but I had to weigh in on Tuesday, having had a family turkey dinner on Monday night . I didn't really eat a lot at TG dinner, but whatever. All the more simple to have a nicer loss next week!

I am pretty impressed with how organized I have become with respect to my food. It is 7:30pm and not only did I make dinner tonight, but I cooked chicken sausages for the kids for tomorrow night, and a soup that I can have for lunch for the next few days.

This is working!

PS. One of the things I am liking best about this program is that they have given me some simple recipes that even me, the non-cook can make easily and quickly. Yessssssssss!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Wednesday October 7th, 2009

So, last post I said things were going good. I was down to 213. Well, along came the month of September and my comittment waned. (unfortunately totally predictable) It seems that I cannot be left to my own devices and on October 1st I was back up to the previous month's weight of 218..

I went with my friend Hazel to see a nutrition consultant. I watched what went on and decided to join myself. I started on Monday.

On Monday I weighed myelf with my clothes on (not my usual practice) and I was *gasp* 220. At the place I weighed with my shoes on and I was 221. YIKES!!! New worst ever! However that 221 probably translated to about 218 first thing in the morning in my birthday suit which is where I have been hovering for the past two months.

So, I have committed to this new eating plan for 6 months. That is a long time for me. I know about the 12 week mark things are going to get shakey. But maybe if I am seeing lots of progress it will not be as hard as I anticipate.

The first day on this plan was way harder than I thought it would be. I knew my body was addicted to food but I didn't know *how* addicted it was. I am on the third day not and it is not seeming as hard. The hardest part for me is eating the amount of veggies that they want me to eat (2.5 cups at both lunch and dinner) and eating only protein and veggies for dinner. This is extreme but it is all logical except I do hope I get to eat carbs at dinner again eventually. They limit fat and refined carbs. They promote mostly lean protein and vegetables. Not rocket science. But not how I have eaten for the last 37 years.

The reason I joined up with these people is to train my body to eat more whole foods. To have accountability. To force me "on track" and by staying there for 6 months hopefully there will be more chances of it becoming a life time thing. I guess in a way I have gone to food rehab.

I might update this blog more. We'll see.

Right now I am not having trouble sticking to the food. I am not having cravings and my will power is high. Gotta love the beginning of "new plans".

In the back of my mind I hear trboh saying pick a plan, any plan, just stick with your plan and don't change it. This is my plan and I am sticking.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

September 1, 2009

So, things are going good here.

I have decided to do it on my own for now.

I have been doing very well with my journalling and have been on track for about a week and a half now.

If there is such a thing I have detoxed myself from the junk.

I started 'trying' at the top of the month but didn't really get it right until last week.

Last month: 216
This month: 213

So not stellar progress but progress all the same.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A small "hi" to this blog

OK, I have lots of blogs. Some of them are pretty much abandoned. Only on 2 of them am I really consistent with actually posting in.

Anyways.... this one is supposed to be my "Dear Diary, this is how the scale is going" that I have tucked away, that not too many people know about and that I don't have any of my other blogs linked to anymore.

Apparently though 7 people are subscribed to it in Google Reader (one of them being me). So hello 6 people, and other random people that may drop by.

I have been hiding out from this blog but I feel like I might be safely enough on solid ground to make a post.

I have been trying to get my ducks in a row regarding eating for a while. Mostly half heartedly and my determination generally not lasting more than 48 hours.

I wonder if being addicted to alcohol or some drug is anything like being an over eater? I saw my stepbrother this summer and he had slimmed down quit a bit but was still smoking. He said he knew he should quit (his dad died last year at 62 of lung cancer) but instead of bugging him about it I said "I can understand, you are addicted to it, and I am addicted to food". That led him to ask "What food?" but I tried to explain that it was not that I was addicted to any one food in particular. I just really like eating and the things I like most are always high in calories, fat, sugar and salt. If I really liked eating steamed vegetables that would probably be OK but that's not what I love to eat.

Is it harder to kick the habit of overeating because you can't go cold turkey on food? Well, some people try (very low calorie liquid diets for example) but show me one person who has lost 100 pounds doing that and kept it off. OK, I can actually think of one person who lost 100 pounds by basically being anorexic and has kept it off but for over a year but Anorexia is not the answer! Right?

Anyways.... currently I have kicked the habit of over eating, for now. However, I can get jump started back into over eating very easily and I will have to fight that forever. FOREVER! (begin pity party here)

So, after all this rambling here comes the disclosure.

At the beginning of August was my wakeup call. That electronic contraption in my bathroom read 216. I am 5 foot 9 so that is a BMI of 31.9

I notice that only 2 posts ago I said I was on track too. That was May. So, how long will I stay on track? That is the question.

No time for dicking around here. I am going to be 40 in just over 2 years. Having extra fat right now is a ticking time bomb as far as cancer, diabetes, heart disease. Given I have a very strong history of the last 2, I really should not be screwing around with this.

I will report back the first of each month. On September 1st my weight will be lower than 216. Failure is not an option.

DO YOU HEAR ME *future self*? Stop this nonsense now. NOW! No more screwing around. Period.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Clinging

Clinging to the hope that I can get a hold of myself. I feel strong today but how will I feel tomorrow.

I weighed myself on Monday and was utterly shocked. Not sure why I thought I was invincible but clearly I am not.

I have never seen this number on my scale. Ever!

I don't even want to share it here.

Anyways... I am clinging to hope. Step 1 is to stop gaining.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

On a Small Roll

Not long ago I saw my worst non-pregnant weight number on the scale since 2000. Not good.

Somehow I have managed to get myself onto a small roll with my eating. Today was the fourth day of logging what I eat and staying under 2000 calories. Just need to keep going.

It is weird to feel hunger pain. Seriously. I have not felt hunger in a looooong time. I am good will power wise right now. I wonder what gets me un-good. I wonder how to avoid that.

There are definitely certain days out of each set of 28 (or so) days that I get totally wacked with my eating. I need to identify what days those are and nip them in the bud. Unfortunately this time I forgot to keep track of what day I'm at. I will try to pay attention to when the crazyiness starts though.

I've started writing down my food in a small paper journal that I'm carrying around in my purse. I've used this journal before. There is an entry in it near the front for Friday May 30th, 2008. Weight: 186. BF: 37%. I remember that I was not at all happy to be weighing in the high 180s. Guess what? A year later the scale reads 206 pounds and 43% bf. Holy schnickeys! Put on 20 pounds in a year. Fortunately 208 pounds on the scale is red alert territory and I have managed to put the brakes on.

Baby steps. I will promise to do a happy dance when my weight starts with a 19 again.

Boy do I ever hate starting over. Boy do I ever wish that I would not do this to myself again. Surrender to stress, surrender to hibernating inside my house in winter. Surrender to the urge to eat junk.

I am scared though. Scared because I know even if I get down to a weight that I feel happy with I will know that the unhealthy heavy me will be forever lurking and waiting in the wings for her next opportunity to come out.

I am lucky though. I have supportive friends and a supportive husband. I can do this.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Oh Crap!

OK. It pains me to post this.

206.4

WTF?

I really hope that spring will spur me back towards healthy me. This is ridiculous.

Read a cool post over at Ben Does Life. Guy went for a 17 mile walk. Why? Well he heard a cool song. Sounds like a good reason to me. 6.5 hours later he was done. This man has been on fire since January. Very cool.

I have been going through my photos to remove duplicates and hopefully back them up the CD etc. I came across a photo of my scale from last year. It was 183.6. Stupid me was unsatisfied with that at the time. Man. If I could time travel back and slap myself I would. 183.6 is much better than 23 pounds heavier.

Anyways. There is the ugly truth. Only place to go from here is down. Well, really clearly I could go up if I don't stop this bull shit. I will not let that happen.

My current weight is pretty much my worst ever. My worst ever is about 208 something. Close enough. I don't need to get any closer.

Doesn't it suck to undo all the hard work you have done and not even know why you did it?