Clinging to the hope that I can get a hold of myself. I feel strong today but how will I feel tomorrow.
I weighed myself on Monday and was utterly shocked. Not sure why I thought I was invincible but clearly I am not.
I have never seen this number on my scale. Ever!
I don't even want to share it here.
Anyways... I am clinging to hope. Step 1 is to stop gaining.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
On a Small Roll
Not long ago I saw my worst non-pregnant weight number on the scale since 2000. Not good.
Somehow I have managed to get myself onto a small roll with my eating. Today was the fourth day of logging what I eat and staying under 2000 calories. Just need to keep going.
It is weird to feel hunger pain. Seriously. I have not felt hunger in a looooong time. I am good will power wise right now. I wonder what gets me un-good. I wonder how to avoid that.
There are definitely certain days out of each set of 28 (or so) days that I get totally wacked with my eating. I need to identify what days those are and nip them in the bud. Unfortunately this time I forgot to keep track of what day I'm at. I will try to pay attention to when the crazyiness starts though.
I've started writing down my food in a small paper journal that I'm carrying around in my purse. I've used this journal before. There is an entry in it near the front for Friday May 30th, 2008. Weight: 186. BF: 37%. I remember that I was not at all happy to be weighing in the high 180s. Guess what? A year later the scale reads 206 pounds and 43% bf. Holy schnickeys! Put on 20 pounds in a year. Fortunately 208 pounds on the scale is red alert territory and I have managed to put the brakes on.
Baby steps. I will promise to do a happy dance when my weight starts with a 19 again.
Boy do I ever hate starting over. Boy do I ever wish that I would not do this to myself again. Surrender to stress, surrender to hibernating inside my house in winter. Surrender to the urge to eat junk.
I am scared though. Scared because I know even if I get down to a weight that I feel happy with I will know that the unhealthy heavy me will be forever lurking and waiting in the wings for her next opportunity to come out.
I am lucky though. I have supportive friends and a supportive husband. I can do this.
Somehow I have managed to get myself onto a small roll with my eating. Today was the fourth day of logging what I eat and staying under 2000 calories. Just need to keep going.
It is weird to feel hunger pain. Seriously. I have not felt hunger in a looooong time. I am good will power wise right now. I wonder what gets me un-good. I wonder how to avoid that.
There are definitely certain days out of each set of 28 (or so) days that I get totally wacked with my eating. I need to identify what days those are and nip them in the bud. Unfortunately this time I forgot to keep track of what day I'm at. I will try to pay attention to when the crazyiness starts though.
I've started writing down my food in a small paper journal that I'm carrying around in my purse. I've used this journal before. There is an entry in it near the front for Friday May 30th, 2008. Weight: 186. BF: 37%. I remember that I was not at all happy to be weighing in the high 180s. Guess what? A year later the scale reads 206 pounds and 43% bf. Holy schnickeys! Put on 20 pounds in a year. Fortunately 208 pounds on the scale is red alert territory and I have managed to put the brakes on.
Baby steps. I will promise to do a happy dance when my weight starts with a 19 again.
Boy do I ever hate starting over. Boy do I ever wish that I would not do this to myself again. Surrender to stress, surrender to hibernating inside my house in winter. Surrender to the urge to eat junk.
I am scared though. Scared because I know even if I get down to a weight that I feel happy with I will know that the unhealthy heavy me will be forever lurking and waiting in the wings for her next opportunity to come out.
I am lucky though. I have supportive friends and a supportive husband. I can do this.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Oh Crap!
OK. It pains me to post this.
206.4
WTF?
I really hope that spring will spur me back towards healthy me. This is ridiculous.
Read a cool post over at Ben Does Life. Guy went for a 17 mile walk. Why? Well he heard a cool song. Sounds like a good reason to me. 6.5 hours later he was done. This man has been on fire since January. Very cool.
I have been going through my photos to remove duplicates and hopefully back them up the CD etc. I came across a photo of my scale from last year. It was 183.6. Stupid me was unsatisfied with that at the time. Man. If I could time travel back and slap myself I would. 183.6 is much better than 23 pounds heavier.
Anyways. There is the ugly truth. Only place to go from here is down. Well, really clearly I could go up if I don't stop this bull shit. I will not let that happen.
My current weight is pretty much my worst ever. My worst ever is about 208 something. Close enough. I don't need to get any closer.
Doesn't it suck to undo all the hard work you have done and not even know why you did it?
206.4
WTF?
I really hope that spring will spur me back towards healthy me. This is ridiculous.
Read a cool post over at Ben Does Life. Guy went for a 17 mile walk. Why? Well he heard a cool song. Sounds like a good reason to me. 6.5 hours later he was done. This man has been on fire since January. Very cool.
I have been going through my photos to remove duplicates and hopefully back them up the CD etc. I came across a photo of my scale from last year. It was 183.6. Stupid me was unsatisfied with that at the time. Man. If I could time travel back and slap myself I would. 183.6 is much better than 23 pounds heavier.
Anyways. There is the ugly truth. Only place to go from here is down. Well, really clearly I could go up if I don't stop this bull shit. I will not let that happen.
My current weight is pretty much my worst ever. My worst ever is about 208 something. Close enough. I don't need to get any closer.
Doesn't it suck to undo all the hard work you have done and not even know why you did it?
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Feb. 5th Weight
Same weight as last week. (201)
Had 4 good days of eating and 3 not so good.
Seriously need groceries but did not work on Monday so have had to work Tues - Fri. and have not dragged myself to the store after work.
Getting sick. Have chest congestion with cough and now sore throat. Damn.
If I put my mind to it I could be in the 190s by next Thursday.
Had 4 good days of eating and 3 not so good.
Seriously need groceries but did not work on Monday so have had to work Tues - Fri. and have not dragged myself to the store after work.
Getting sick. Have chest congestion with cough and now sore throat. Damn.
If I put my mind to it I could be in the 190s by next Thursday.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Weigh In - January 29th
OK. I am on the healthy wagon. Eating reasonable amounts. No junk. Doing my exercise.
Last week: 203
This week: 201
BF: 41%
BMI: 30.2
Nobody get excited until I get back to the 190s.
182 is my magic number of 'new weight'. I look forward to being there again.
Last week: 203
This week: 201
BF: 41%
BMI: 30.2
Nobody get excited until I get back to the 190s.
182 is my magic number of 'new weight'. I look forward to being there again.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Monday
Did pretty well with my eating today.
I am pretty happy with that.
I have no real plan.
Just trying to be conscious of what I am eating.
I know a plan would help but I am stubborn at this point.
I am pretty happy with that.
I have no real plan.
Just trying to be conscious of what I am eating.
I know a plan would help but I am stubborn at this point.
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